Buckeye in Bama

Rambling thoughts of a Yankee transplanted to the south.

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Midlife crisis, but I am not middle-aged, or a man, or going bald!!!

Last April, I quit the highest paying job that I have ever held. I have quit high paying jobs before, but none that had such an extreme effect on my life. It seems to be a flaw in my genetic make up to keep jobs that pay me well. It was also the job that I picked up and moved myself and my family 800 miles from our home to a place completely different from anything we know. 

The euphoria and feeling of freedom from leaving that job lasted for a few months, but reality has come crashing in. I have gone on lots of interviews and follow-up interviews, but nothing panned out. I have applied for everything, and by everything, I mean jobs that didn’t pay for the gas it would take to get there. I considered removing my degrees from my resume and dumbing it down, so potential employers would take a look and not throw my resume in the trash. However, common sense and a bit of arrogance (after all, I had earned those degrees) kept me from removing them.

My self-esteem has taken quite the hit. I usually feel pretty good about myself, but as of late, I am not so sure… about anything. I never realized that I identified myself by my job. Now, I have to get to know myself without benefit of full-time employment and a career. So, I decided to list all the things I am aside from a “worker”. Here is what I came up with:

  • Wife
  • Mom
  • Laundry lady
  • Grocery shopper
  • Organizer 
  • Pet parent
  • Book reader
  • Researcher
  • Bathroom cleaner
  • Proofreader

Not much of a list. I was hoping that I could find some potential jobs in that list. When a job did not materialize, one of the options that I came up with is to go back to school. Find something meaningful to focus on. But then, I worry about being too old to start over yet again. One bright spot is that many of my friends have been really supportive. They have encouraged me to change careers. However, I still have doubt. I have not sat in on a class in 12 years. Can I still do it? Can I reinvent myself yet again? 

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What to do?

For over two months now, I have not worked full-time at one job. I have a part-time job that I really like, and have been working full-time hours from home on another job. But the hours will not last.

I was a bit lost for a while after quitting my “dream” job. This summer is the first time that I have not had any plans for the future. I am living day-by-day. What a new concept! A bit frightening, but also very liberating. To top it off, my children have been with their grandparents for three weeks and this has left me with no big messes to clean up and a house that is VERY quiet.

It has given me a lot of time to think and think and think 🙂 I have not been applying for jobs and have stopped looking for now. I am going to let life unfold and see what happens. I am letting go of the control that I have held on to so tightly for years.

The best side effect of this situation is that my stress level has been greatly reduced. For that, I am grateful.

What Really Matters

What Really Matters

This morning, my youngest daughter came in and said to me, “You need a hug”. I asked her why she thought I needed a hug and she said, “You just do”.

I have been a bit down lately… Questioning some of my decision-making skills and other things. She obviously picked up on these feelings and felt I needed comfort. It made me feel much better and what is better than a hug from your child first thing in the morning.

This was more than a hug to me. It put things into perspective. I need to focus myself and quit worrying about the future. Things will work themselves out. They always do. What really matters is my family. They need me more than anything else does. Money and jobs could never replace them.

Thanks, kid. You straightened out your mom this morning!

Finding Your Path

How do you know when have found your path? How do you know if you have picked the right job, degree, etc.? I have been pondering this question for sometime. I was rejected this past summer and fall by two universities to which I had applied. I knew about the first and forgot I had applied to the second. Fall was a busy time for me. I relocated for a job and my mind was elsewhere. Now, I am getting ready to apply again to two other schools. I wonder if I should switch careers entirely? Do something new?

How do you know if it is the right path? I am still trying to figure it out at almost forty-two. Do you settle for the path that seems to be the easiest? Do you give up and stay status quo? I have never been one for the easy path. I have always done things the hard way. I think I am just wired wrong. Some people have a passion in life that leads them where they need to go. I have never felt that passion. I have not had the opportunity to develop any because I have always done what was necessary and not frivolous, not that following your passion is frivolous. I would love to feel that way about something. I have always been nose-to-the-grindstone working all the time.

I do know that I want a doctorate degree. This much I have figured out. I would like to help people. In what way, I have not figured out yet. I need to get into a program that meets my intellectual standards, but will accept my credentials. But, I still wonder if it is the right thing to do… Knowing me, I will continue the path.

Hemlines (Do girls even know what these are anymore?)

Recently, while perusing pictures on a well-known social media site, I could not help but notice how appallingly short the hemlines were on a few girls in the pictures. The pictures were of a semi-formal dance. The hemlines on more than a few dresses ended at mid-thigh or higher. So, if these girls were to drop something, God and everybody would see them and all of their parts. No wonder the boys were smiling widely in every picture. They were going to get quite a show.

So.. the big question is… Where were the mothers when these hoochie dresses were purchased? Do these mother’s promote their daughter’s looking trashy or am I missing something. Yes, you are young and in great shape, but you don’t need to show it all! My grandmother always says, “Leave something to be desired”. I take this to mean don’t flash it all it once. And to top it all off, these are supposed to be good Christian girls. Modesty is a good quality, ladies. 

I may lose some friends on the well-known social media site for this post, but quite honestly, it needed to be said. Cover up, ladies. You look trashy.

Hemlines even made the new today. The Queen thinks that Duchess Kate’s hemlines are too short. Now, I have seen the dresses Kate wears and they are tasteful and not too short. Heaven help us if the Queen got a look at these girls. For the article, click here http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/kate-middleton-wear-longer-skirts-according-queen-155700870.html

Just my random thoughts. I think this cold has taken control…

Songs of Our Past – Our Music Memories

What song brings back memories? Are they good or bad memories? Do you feel 16 again? Or is it the song that you danced to with your then boyfriend, now husband? Do songs make you sad? Songs for me are usually happy memory makers. There are only a few that can make me melancholy.

As I listened to Pandora today, I heard many songs that bring back good memories. These songs were new ones though. They just reminded me of good memories. Like being 16 and riding around with my best friend looking for God knows what in our small town. Trouble probably, our other friends, or just trying to be cool. I was never cool, but I though I was. Ha! We would have the windows rolled down and the music blasting. The world was our oyster (pardon my turn of phrase). I don’t actually like oysters, but the phrase fits! And in case you are wondering, the music was usually Journey, Paula Abdul (yes, I admit it), Eagles, or Aerosmith. I had eclectic tastes, what can I say.

Music can bring you sunshine. It also reminds of fun times that I often think I have forgotten. I have formed new music memories with my kids and those will last my lifetime. I try to share my music with them and listen to their music. Hopefully, they have many music memories of their own.

Now, Kenny Chesney is on Pandora. He makes me think of frothy drinks, sunny days, and blue water. He can come and sing to me anytime as long as it is on a beach somewhere!

Image

Lohr, L. (2014). Kenny Chesney [Photograph]. Retrieved January 24, 2014 from http://stjohnsource.com/content/news/local-news/2013/04/29/kenny-chesney-donate-part-new-album-sales-park-friends

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